Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
