Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
