i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
