Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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