I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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