I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
