Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
