Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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