i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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