yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
