yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
