I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
