have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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