Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
