It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
