Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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