i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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