I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
