she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
