Buhtt sex?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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