Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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