I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
