Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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