I'm lost and stupid without you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
