I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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