I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
