Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
