He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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