He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
