if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
