He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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