I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
