very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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