Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
