Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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