I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
