Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
