Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
