i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
