I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
