I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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