so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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