I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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