Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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