Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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