I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
