respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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