Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
