You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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