I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
