Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
...so i touched it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
