I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You've changed since you got that strap on
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
