he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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