By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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