Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
