he puts the penis in happiness.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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