I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize