We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
