Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
