I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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