you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize