We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
