I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
