it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
