This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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