is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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